Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
