my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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