Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
