He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
