on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
