Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
