you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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