i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
