Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?