i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
