i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
