I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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