My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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