Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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