Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
