I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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