man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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