So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
