You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
