This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
