She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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