Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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