Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
