It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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