I'm passing your future prison.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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