If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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