Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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