So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
