I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize