My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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