Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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