70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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