Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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