Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
