My cat gives me a boner
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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