Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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