I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
