i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
