It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
