I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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