i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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