Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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