barbara walters just said penis...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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