Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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