Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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