I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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