Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
