sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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