dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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