I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize