dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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