Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
