So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The ass gains better be worth it
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