Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
