I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
