Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
bring money and cleavage
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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