8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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