i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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