I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
