Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
