You work out of a Hotel?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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