So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
