I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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