Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My life is pants optional.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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