i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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