All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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