I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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