Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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