You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
