Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
