No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
