I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
