I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
