That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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