can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
