I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
