I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
