wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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