is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
