Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
