I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
