i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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