I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
